


Strider Style

by rezi



Series: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HOMESTUCK [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, rap battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 09:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rezi/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Requested by Evermore: "could you do a Dave Strider vs Dirk Strider?"<br/>WHO WON?<br/>WHO'S NEXT?<br/>Requests in comments!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strider Style

**Author's Note:**

> For maximum effect, listen to [the eponymous track](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/beatdown-strider-style-2) while reading.
> 
> (Aradiabot vs. God Tier Aradia coming soon!)

DAVE STRIDER  
VS  
DIRK STRIDER  
BEGIN!

doesnt stop from gettin taller  
this motherfuckin rap pile  
i can tell this is gonna be one hellacious trial  
but only for you  
i wont have to go the extra mile  
its rap battle time bro  
doin this strider style  
beta vs alpha  
now whos gonna win  
in case it aint clear yet  
just let me begin  
stepping up  
strider from before the scratch  
the original  
the best  
and winning this match  
sure youve rapped with your robots  
they might even be hotshots  
but up against a human  
you dont know our soft spots  
cos robots are only as clever as you made em  
and with dumb metal brains  
i can see why you slayed em  
but guess what  
your robots arent here for you now  
youre up against me  
and ill show you how  
rapping should be DONE  
you cant beat this guy  
cos you cant not fail on your very first try  
in your world i made millions before you were born  
while you in my world just did lame puppet porn  
movie director versus lame puppeteer  
i think we can see whos the better one here  
youre running out of time  
i strike straight to the heart  
you can barely even rhyme  
game over, no restart  
im kicking your ass with these raps fresh and slick  
the winner is dave  
so go suck smuppet dick

It ain't even funny how I've got you outclassed.  
If you're needing the proof, just look to the past.  
I kicked your ass as Bro and don't you forget:  
I'm the puppetmaster, you're just a marionette.  
The unseen hand's mine that pulls all the strings.  
Manipulate a knight?  
I could command kings.  
Let's face it: your katana's a cheap piece of shit.  
In a battle of swords, I could break it to bits.  
In this battle of words, you're still a fish out of water.  
You think you can win?  
You're just a lamb to the slaughter.  
Though Strider and Strider may seem the same  
I still manage to beat you at your own game.  
What you've done so far is really quite lame.  
You're disgracing our name, man, it's really a shame.  
The Prince of Heart can shatter the soul.  
And a Knight serves a Prince, so embrace your role.

you want me to serve you? ill serve this instead  
a piping hot plate of fresh fucking dread  
and if i had to wear _that_  
 _pink tiara_ on your head  
i wouldnt even venture near my quest bed  
and what the fuck is it with those pantaloons  
all blown up and stripey like two big balloons  
yeah im wearing my god duds all this while  
but im rockin the cape with irony and style  
ive come a long way from my pointy shades days  
now you could do better than that played-out phase  
the irony you got there is so old its stale  
deader than your void session doomed to fail  
so you and your tiara just look like a tool  
while im god of time and the coolest of cool  
my turns over  
time for your go  
let's see what you got to say to that  
 _bro_

That attitude ain't good, man, if you recollect.  
You better start treating me with some respect  
Or at least drop some rhymes with a decent effect.  
Because anyone can see, bro: your shit is wrecked.  
I don't wanna jeer  
But I think it's clear  
That I'm in top gear  
While you're at nadir.  
You act all austere,  
I see through the veneer.  
You shouldn't come near  
(And I mean this sincere)  
Cos you might shed a tear  
Out of sheer fucking fear.  
You better steer clear.  
So do a pirouette  
And get straight outta here.  
The Prince is awake. The Knight is a snooze.  
I'd say that you'd challenged me?  
But this was a cruise.  
I could breeze through this battle on auto respond.  
Game's up, Strider.  
Time to abscond.

WHO WON?  
WHO'S NEXT?


End file.
